Thursday, June 7, 2012

40w5d Appointment

Well the baby has decided that he or she is still very comfortable in there. We will have to wait a little longer to meet our bundle of joy!

At our 35 week appointment, we had what should have been our last ultrasound. That ultrasound found that the baby was in the 65th percentile for weight, and would be a little over 8 pounds at 40 weeks. We also found out that the baby's head was down. These were both great things to hear, because I was looking forward to the natural birth I had previously blogged about here (baby's head down really helps with the chances of that) and my OB was confident that I could deliver a baby up to 9 pounds. 

Because we went overdue, we were scheduled for a NST and ultrasound today. This is normal for pregnancies that go late, so we weren't alarmed. The NST was good, it was actually fun for us to listen to the baby's heart beat. We were having fun watching my belly move as the baby squirmed, and hearing his/her heartbeat change with the movement. The NST showed that the baby was perfectly fine. The ultrasound went well also, we got to see our baby inside one more time! We saw that the baby's head was still down, and that everything was functioning well. Great news, and we felt happy to hear and see the baby one more time. 

After a few minutes in the waiting room, we went in for the appointment with the OB. She started the conversation with, "Well this baby is bigger than a bread box." I asked if the baby was too big for me to deliver, and that's when we got the news. The ultrasound calculated that the baby was already 9 lbs 9 oz. If we wanted to wait until the next week for me to go into labor, the baby would be even bigger. The blood drained from my face, and she invited us to her office. 

In her office, she explained that I needed to have a c-section. The reason why the baby wouldn't stay "down" was that he/she is too big. By the end of each day I was able to feel the baby was VERY low, but in the morning the baby would be up high again. The size is the reason behind that, the baby's head just wouldn't engage. My cervix wasn't getting ready. My body just wasn't going to be able to do it. 

I started crying. I couldn't help it. My hormones wouldn't let me stop crying either. I tried to listen, and take in everything, but it was hard. She explained the dangers involved if I tried to have the natural birth that I/we wanted. She made sure to let us know that it was up to us, but she wanted us to know the risks. The baby was too big. I could try to deliver naturally, and the baby might just not come out after hours and hours of trying, and a c-section would be required anyway. Or the baby could get its head through, but get stuck at the shoulders. The baby being stuck that way could have serious long-term effects due to starving the baby of oxygen. I can't even think about that right now. The baby's shoulder(s) could get stuck and there are all kinds of scary things related to that as well. There are other reasons too, but you get the point. 

I've been crying all day. I can't stop. Poor Sean doesn't know what to do to calm me down. Nothing can. I wanted to give my baby the perfect birth. I wanted my body to deliver our baby, the way it should. I didn't want my baby to have any drugs in his/her system. I wanted to GIVE BIRTH to my baby, not have my baby cut out of me. I feel like something huge is being taken from me, something that I should be able to do. I don't know why this is killing me right now, but it is. 

I'm not going to try the have natural birth that I had dreamt of (you can read my thoughts here if you're interested). I'm doing what's best for my baby. I could never forgive myself if anything bad happened to my baby because I wanted to have a natural birth. The baby's health is my first priority, and I will do whatever is necessary. I'm done with feeling bad for myself. I've made my decision. I can be sad, but it won't change anything. We have our c-section scheduled for next Thursday, and we will finally have our little baby! 

As we drove home from the appointment, I turned to my husband and smiled through my tears. I said, "Next Thursday is Flag Day" and we knew it was fate. 

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