Thursday, December 6, 2012

Twenty Five Weeks

I have to start with something that I forgot to post about last week. We officially have a bossy baby! Last Monday, Max received a card from my cousin's daughter (thank you again Madison!!!) and he (obviously) wanted to put it in his mouth. I let him for a little bit, because it was mostly crayon. He started to get close to the part that had ink on it, so I took it away from him. Well, that was just not a good idea. He reached his hands out for it and started crying! That was the first time he's ever done that! Little munchkin. Since then, he's done this a couple of times when he wants something. Uh oh, here comes Mr Bossy Pants!

Max has gotten a lot better with his hands and fingers. He uses his pincer grasp (aka thumb and forefinger) a lot, and it's amazing to watch him aim those two fingers at things to pick them up. He's getting great at grabbing things out of my hand, or off of the floor. It's not like a whole dragging motion of his hands. It's a deliberate reach with a couple of fingers. It's so fun to watch! He's also doing this when picking up cloth.

Unfortunately, Max got sick this week. It started on Friday night I'd say. It seemed like a cold, but his cough was a lot worse starting Sunday night. We brought him in, and found out that he has bronchialitis. It's not fun. He would cough until he was vomiting. He would stop breathing for a few seconds when it was really bad, it is terrifying. I can't explain how scary this is. He will be sound asleep and cough in his sleep. The cough will get keep going, and get worse with each cough until he's choking. I'm lucky that I'm a light sleeper, so I always hear it before it gets bad. I grab him and hold him up because he's going to get sick in a few seconds. Poor little baby. I can't imagine being a heavy sleeper, and what could happen. I can't even think about it. Once he stops coughing and vomiting, he goes right back to his happy self. Like nothing happened.

The first time it happened, my heart literally stopped when he stopped breathing. I was a mess. I started crying. I wanted to bring him to the hospital. I was so scared. Having your poor baby sick like that, just staring at you helplessly as they suffer, it's hell. That's really the only way I can explain it. I sat on the floor and rocked him as I cried. I took care of him, I kept functioning, but emotionally I was stopped in my tracks. The pain in my heart was so massive that I didn't know if I could deal with it. It is so hard to see your baby sick, that in that moment I was honestly afraid to have another baby. How could I deal with this emotionally? Double the emotional pain? Watching your baby suffer is just hell. I hear that it gets easier. I hear that eventually he'll be getting sick like this and it won't really bother me. Maybe that's true. Maybe I'll be less terrified eventually. For now, I'm going to sit here and rock my baby until we both calm down and feel better.

Max, peacefully sleeping after one of his coughing fits

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